October 7, 2003
First Up: Dateline: Iraq
Bruce Willis has offered one million dollars for the capture of Saddam Hussein. He also put a two million dollar bounty on Ashton Kutcher, and, while he was throwing dough around, the action star vowed to pay whoever find Willis' long-lost hair three million dollars.
Item 2:  Today is the deadline for the Bush Administration to come forward with information regarding the source of the leaked undercover CIA agent's name. Opponents of the president have labeled this controversy "Leak-Gate," not to be confused with the Clinton-Lewinsky affair.
Item 3:  California Recall Election Update: Finally some good news for Gray Davis. Political experts say that since Arianna Huffington has dropped out of the race, the governor can count on at least two more votes.
Item 4: 

I've Got Some Bad News And Some Good News:
The Bad News: Men who smoke marijuana affect their sperm and the speed at which their sperm travels. The Good News: I guess Clinton really didn't inhale!
Item 5: Dateline: Redding, California
Lieutenant Governor Cruz Bustamante, while attending a private fund raiser at a casino said, "I can't imagine anyone finding anything admirable about Adolph Hitler." He went on to say, "I'd raise my fists in anger, but they're full of Indian money."
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week:
An elderly couple was sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the gentleman said to his wife, "Just think honey, we've been married for 50 years. You know," the old man went on, "we were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," said his wife coyly, "should we get naked again?" With a grin, they stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know honey," the little lady said breathlessly, "my nipples are as hot for you today as they were when we were newlyweds!" "I'm not surprised," replied the husband, "One's in your oatmeal and the other is in your coffee."