November 4, 2003
First Up: According to the University of Washington, men who do house work get more sex than those who don't. The study also found that the men who do house work have a much higher risk of being rushed to the emergency room with their penis stuck in a vacuum.
Item 2:  Dateline: Los Angeles
The City Council has outlawed urination and defecation in public. The council said this has been our #1 and #2 priority.
Item 3:  Ashton Kutcher told TV Guide that he loves being a "father" to Demi Moore's three kids. The only drawback, he says, is that, "We all have the same curfew."
Item 4:  The US Government says chickens are 20 percent fatter than they were 50 years ago. The reason? Less exercise, because nine out of ten chickens won't cross the road for fear of becoming a joke.
Item 5: The Hubble Telescope has spotted two tiny moons circling Uranus. No word on why the Hubble was pointed at my ass.
Item 6: Dateline - Puerto Rico -
Seven bandits broke into a safe at a Wal-Mart store and stole $36,000. Police said that they were easily able to get away with the cash after a greeter offered to return their cart and said, "Thank you for shopping with us!"
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week:
An astoundingly beautiful voluptuous woman goes to the gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at her and throws all his professionalism out the window. He tells the gorgeous patient to disrobe. He begins to stroke her thigh. He says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?" "Sure," she says, "You're checking for abnormalities." "That's right," says the doctor. Then he begins to fondle her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Sure," says the woman, "You're checking for lumps." "That's right," replies the doctor. He then removes his pants and proceeds to have intercourse with the woman. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks. "Yes," she says, "You're getting herpes."