| First Up:
|
According to USA Today, Michael Jackson's camp says that the molestation
charges against him are a lie. Of course, his camp consists of his lawyer
and eight little boys in one sleeping bag waiting for a weenie roast. |
 |
|
Item 2: |
Dateline - East St. Louis, Illinois
A man got his middle finger caught in a pay phone's coin-return slot and was
taken phone and all to the emergency room. It took doctors three hours to free
him. Apparently, the man was engaged in a little foreplay before the real phone
sex began. |
|
|
Item 3: |
Democratic Presidential hopeful Dennis Kucinich, who is tied for last place,
told USA Today that, "I'm fully ready to be an overnight success." He went on to
say, "Who am I kidding? I can't believe I got this interview!" |
|
|
Item 4: |
Dateline - Hawaii
Bethany Hamilton, the thirteen year-old surfer girl who had her arm bitten off
by a shark, said she plans to surf again, exclaiming, "I can't wait to Hang
Five!" |
|
|
Item 5: |
The relationship between forty-something Demi Moore and twenty-something Ashton
Kutcher is getting serious. According to inside sources, she got him a gold
promise ring and he got her a frog and a shiny nickel. |
|
|
Item 6: |
Japanese scientists say they have identified a new species of whale. The
scientific name is "Brandoannanicolerickilakeassess." |
|
|
And Finally: |
The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week:
A man goes to confession and says, "Bless me father for I have sinned. I had sex
with seven different women last night." The priest says, "Take seven lemons,
squeeze them into a glass and drink the juice without pausing." The man asks,
"Will that cleanse me of my sins?" The priest says, "No, but it will get rid of
that shit-eating grin." |
|
 |
|
|