December 3, 2003
First Up: Dateline - Springfield, Illinois
A 39 year-old man legally changed his name to reflect his childhood nickname. His new name is "Bubba, Bubba, Bubba." Turns out "Stupid, Stupid, Stupid" was already taken.
Item 2:  Media mogul Ted Turner said that women should runt eh world because, "It would be a more peaceful, prosperous place in a very short time." He went on to say, "Jane Fonda is still a bitch."
Item 3:  Rush Limbaugh said that he learned more about himself during drug rehab than at any other time in his life. He called it, "More important than the first grade." Which, coincidentally, he plans to complete now that he's sober.
Item 4:  Courtney Cox told US Magazine that her husband David Arquette takes up 90 percent of their closet. In a related story, Liza Minnelli said her soon to be ex-husband David Gest took up 100 percent of their closet since he never came out of it.
Item 5: Dateline - Riverside, California
Sheriff's Deputies discovered a cockfighting ring in the rear of a home. Cockfighting in the rear. Do I really need a punch line?
Item 6: Democratic presidential hopeful John Kerry said that he's an avid hunter and he "eats what he kills." I'd hate to be his wife on oral sex night.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week:
A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator. He tells the patrons that he'll place his genitals in the alligator's mouth for one minute and then remove them unscathed. "In return for witnessing this spectacle," declared the man, "Each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man dropped his pants and placed his unit into the gator's mouth, which promptly snapped shut. After a minute, the man whacked the gator on the head and removed his member unscathed. The crowd went nuts and the drinks came a-flowing. He then challenged anyone in the crowd to try the same thing. If they succeeded, he'd pay them $100. After a while, a blond woman sitting at the bar said, "I'll try, but don't hit me so hard on the head with the beer bottle."