December 9, 2003
First Up: Madonna has accused J-Lo of being overexposed in the media. This from a woman whose crotch has been reprinted more times than the Mexican peso.
Item 2:  Researchers at the University of Manitoba say that buckwheat may keep blood sugar levels down in diabetics. It also found that nude photos of Spanky keep sex drives down in everyone.
Item 3:  Dateline - Lafayette, Louisiana
A seven year-old boy was scolded and forced to write "I will never use the word gay in school again" 100 times on the chalkboard. The teacher said she was appalled because, "We don't use the word gay in the South. We use the word 'fag'."
Item 4:  Dateline - Sioux Falls, South Dakota
The Highway Patrol set 369 pounds of marijuana ablaze, thereby destroying evidence seized in a drug bust. After the bonfire they also disposed of 20 cases of Ding-Dongs, Twinkies and Ho-Hos.Minister of Defense, Baghdad Bob denies that it was Saddam who was captured. He said the man on the video is an imposter. He claimed it was actually Isaiah from Little House on the Prairie.
Item 5: Dateline - Huntsville, Arkansas
A judge has chosen to resign instead of face charges that he threatened to shoot a defendant. He said he didn't resign because of the allegations, but for health reasons, and he'll shoot anyone who says otherwise.
Item 6: OJ Simpson's former attorney Johnnie Cochran is the newest member of the legal team suing Walt Disney for disputed royalties for the copyright owners of Winnie The Pooh. The lead attorney said, "Cochran is highly qualified. This isn't the first time he's dealt with a big giant pile of pooh."
Item 7: Democratic presidential hopeful Wesley Clark said that an endorsement from Bill Cinton would make sense, because both our last names start with "Cl." He also said his nickname is "Cubby" and that an endorsement from Hillary would make sense, because both their nicknames start with "Cu."
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week:
A man goes to the patent office with some of his new designs. He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle." "What do you call it?" asked the clerk. "It's a Fottle," said the inventor. "Well that's stupid," said the clerk, "Can't you think of something else?" "I'll think about it," the man replied, offering, "I've got something else though, it's a folding carton." "And what do you call that?" asked the clerk. "I call it a Farton," boasted the inventor. "You can't possibly call it that," explained the clerk. "Well, in that case," the man went on, "You're really going to hate the name for my folding bucket."