Six vehicles collided into a spilled load of avocados. Chips were on the scene in minutes. No truth to the rumor that the dip that caused the accident was a salsa driver.
| First Up: | Seventy-five percent of Americans say that they, "Just can't get out of bed in the morning." The other 25 percent aren't into bondage. |
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| Item 2: | According to federal law, Presidential hopeful Senator John Kerry can't use nay of his wife's 550 million dollar fortune from the Heinz Company. Because of this, experts say he'll never "ketch-up" with President Bush. |
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| Item 3: | According to a leading dermatologist, women who sleep on their back look younger. She went on to suggest that women should train themselves to sleep face-up by dozing off while reading, or, like my wife, during sex. |
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| Item 4: |
Dateline - Woodland Hills, California: Six vehicles collided into a spilled load of avocados. Chips were on the scene in minutes. No truth to the rumor that the dip that caused the accident was a salsa driver. |
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| Item 5: | Spike Lee is suing TNN because the network executives want to change the channel's name to Spike TV. In court papers, the always-angry director says, "It's obvious that Spike TV refers to Spike Lee." The lawsuit also asks that railroads find another way to hold tracks in place, bartenders stop putting alcohol in soft drinks, and golfers find new shoes. |
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| Item 6: | Habitat for Humanity is opening a theme park that gives tourists a look at the world's worst slums. Some of the attractions include a flea market where everything is actually covered in fleas, and rides including, "It's A Small Bathroom After All," "The Haunted Cardboard Box," and, "The Many Adventures of Winnie's Pooh." |
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| And Finally: | In Hillary Clinton's new book, she says that when her husband told her the truth about the Lewinsky affair, she was so angry she could hardly breathe. Coincidentally, neither could Monica. |
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