July 1, 2003
First Up: Due to the popularity of the hit movie "Finding Nemo," kids are flushing their fish down the toilet thinking they are setting their pets free in the ocean. Which explains why my nephew pooped in my fish tank last week. Or does it?
Item 2:  Dateline - New Philadelphia, Ohio:
A 70 year-old man and a 60 year-old woman pleaded no contest to public indecency after being arrested for having sex in a fast food restaurant. The aging Romeo says the trouble began when he asked his companion to "Super-size his Whopper."
Item 3:  Dateline - Northridge, California:
A move theater was evacuated after 30 patrons complained of smelling a strange odor and breathing trouble. The smell was later identified as the movie itself, "From Justin to Kelly."
Item 4:  Fun Fact You Should Know:
Britney Spears says she never wears the same pair of underwear twice. Which may explain the meaning of the Oops, I Did It Again lyrics.
Item 5:

I've Got Some Bad News and Some Good News:
The Bad News: A 71 year-old woman is suing Rosie O'Donnell because she claims that she was hit in the mouth with a rubber ball while in the audience of Rosie's talk show.
The Good News: The celebrity guest on the show that day was Tour de France cyclist Lance Armstrong, who shouted out, "That's where it went!"
Item 6: Dateline - Washington DC:
According to the Health and Human Services Department, the national birth rate hasn't been this low since the early nineties. They attribute the decline to modern birth control and blue dresses from The Gap.
And Finally: The Bing Crosby Joke of the Week:
Dateline - Augusta, Michigan: Health officials found 550 gallons of urine and feces in an abandoned house. I don't know which is scarier, the fact that they found all that stuff or that some guy had to measure it.