| First Up:
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The University of Illinois is studying how odor travels through the air. No
word on how they got Anna Nicolle Smith to participate in the study. |
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Item 2: |
The American Medical Association is offering a series of tests to determine if
elderly persons are still fit to drive. Those who drink their own urine
specimens fail automatically. |
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Item 3: |
Dateline - Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania:
Last weekend, the city hosted a nude volleyball tournament. According to a
spokesperson, they chose Beaver Falls as their site because Dick Springs,
Georgia was already booked. |
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Item 4: |
A Sad Note:
"Mini-Me" Verne Troyer has broken off his engagement with fiancé - 5' 6" Yoga
instructor, Genevieve Gallen. Apparently, friends finally convinced Verne she
was just using him to meet Gary Coleman. |
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Item 5: |
A spokesperson for Dick Clark Productions has announced that it has acquired the
broadcast rights to the National Paintball League. You know, when I weighed 350
pounds, I played a lot of paintball and the other team always sprayed me with
thinner. |
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Item 6: |
A new study has found that the IRS gave out the wrong information 43 percent of
the time. IRS Commissioner Henry Lamar said, "We recognize that an accuracy rate
of 67 percent is inadequate. |
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And Finally: |
The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week:
Jim goes to a Manhattan employment agency to ask if they have any jobs. The
interviewer says, "I've got an ace job, working in a strip club. You'll be in
charge of dressing and undressing strippers, oiling them down before the show
and toweling them down after the show." "Sounds great!" says Jim. "Excellent,"
the interviewer says, "Can you be in Brooklyn tomorrow?" "Why" asks Jim, "Is
that where the job is?" To which the interviewer replies, "No, that's where the
line starts!" |
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