September 30, 2003
First Up: French scientists have announced they have cloned a rat. Wait a second, isn't that the same as human cloning in France?
Item 2:  Bill Clinton was asked if he thinks Hillary might seek the presidency in 2004. The former president replied, "It's really a decision for her to make." Translation: "That bitch doesn't tell me anything!"
Item 3:  Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were seen together again in Georgia. Affleck bought a Dodge pick-up, and later, applied for a gun permit. J-Lo said, "If he buys a shovel and lime, I'm outta here."
Item 4:  Dateline - Las Vegas, Nevada:
A woman shot and killed a man who fell through the ceiling of her house while she was getting dressed. Police said the shooting was justified because the last thing the man said to the woman was, "Those pants make your ass look huge."
Item 5: Talk-show host Art Bell will once again return to "Coast to Coast AM" replacing Barbara Simpson on Saturdays. In a statement Bell said, "I can't wait to get started so I can quit abruptly as soon as possible."
Item 6: A new study has found that 100 percent of American women has high levels of flame retardants in their breast milk. Which explains why when I kiss my wife's nipples, she says, "That just doesn't make me hot anymore." "Honey! Quick! There's a grease fire in the kitchen! Get your breasts in here!"
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week:
A lady took her dog to the vet because he was having problems hearing. The vet found that the dog had too much hair in his ears, so he clipped the hair, and sure enough, the dog got his hearing back. The Vet told the woman to buy some hair remover and use it on his ears once a month. So, the lady went to the drug store and got some Nair. The druggist said, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days. The lady replied, "I'm not using it under my arms." So the druggist warned, "Well, if you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a few days." She said, "I'm not going to use it on my legs. If you must know, I'm going to use it on my Schnauzer." To which the druggist replied, "In that case, stay off your bicycle for a week."