January 13, 2004
First Up: Osama Bin Laden has released his eighth recording since September 11th. According to industry experts one more and he'll have a boxed set.
Item 2:  Michael Jackson fans plan to travel to Santa Barbara in a show of support when The King of Pop is arraigned on child molestation charges. Organizers say they've already rented a Ford Fiesta and a scooter and have another scooter on stand-by if needed.
Item 3: 

Barbra Streisand demands that her swimming pool water be kept at a toasty 76 degrees. She flipped out recently when she discovered it to be a degree hotter, and called her pool guy to complain at 3:00 in the morning. He said, "Hey, if you want it to cool down fast, why don't you dip your vagina in it!"
Item 4: 

A Sad Note
Charles Dumas, the first high jumper to clear seven feet, passed away at the age of 66. Per his wishes, there will be a quiet ceremony and then he will be buried seven-feet and one inch.
Item 5: Fund Fact You Should Know
According to housekeeping experts, a good way to clean a grungy toilet bowl is with Tang, the orange-flavored instant breakfast drink. And, as a bonus, your dog will feel like an astronaut.
Item 6: Canadian researchers say they see a sharp rise in children who are allergic to nuts. The most susceptible kids are those under three feet who cling to their father's leg.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week:
A man at his wife's funeral. While following her casket, one of the pallbearers hits the wall. The casket opens, the presumed-dead wife sits up and shouts, "Honey! I'm alive!" The man says, "It's a miracle, we thought you were a goner." Ten years go by and she dies "again." The man, once again following the casket, says to the pallbearer, "Watch out for that fucking wall."