January 20, 2004
First Up: The promoters of the Atkins diet say you should limit the amount of red meat and saturated fats that you eat on their program. They also say, "If you want to live longer, stay away from icy sidewalks."
Item 2:  According to a new poll, half of all Americans would prefer not to send a man back to the moon. The other half say they would, if the man is Michael Jackson. At least he would know how to walk there.
Item 3: 

In a related story, Michael Jackson's attorney Mark Geregos, told Good Morning America that he believes his client is "not a freak." He said he came to that conclusion after he visited The Neverland Ranch, went for a ride on Michael's choo-choo train and shared a big, steaming kettle of Elephant Man bone soup in Jacko's tree house.
Item 4: 

A Sad Note:
A death row inmate on his way to be executed in Ohio kicked and screamed, "I don't want to die" during his walk down the last mile. The Sad Part Because of the delay, the state had to pay the guards overtime.
Item 5: Question of the Week:
If I find lead in my poop, is that a #2 pencil?
Item 6: Because they said they didn't want a doctor to be President. I guess they got a second opinion!
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week:
A man is lying in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse arrives to give him a sponge bath. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Eventually, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, hold his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them." "Good to know," says the man, pulling off his oxygen mask, "And again: are my test results back?"