April 22, 2004
First Up: Italian researchers are giving older men with enlarged prostate glands botox injections. Proctologists say that, "So far, the procedure hasn’t shrunk any prostates, but it sure makes a man’s rectum look ten years younger."
Item 2:  Bobby Brown is filming a day-to-day reality series about his life with Whitney Houston. It’s tentatively titled, "Scoring Crack For My Wife The Crack Whore."
Item 3: 

Dateline--Brazil:
Relatives of a dead woman were shocked when they opened her casket and found the body of a man. No word on what Abe Vigoda was doing in Brazil.

Item 4: 

Fun Fact You Should Know:
The United States grows by one person every 10 seconds. And that number didn’t even factor in Baseball Hall of Famer Steve Garvey.

Item 5: A focus group of union voters has found that most members think that Senator John Kerry is distant, cool and aloof. Senator Kerry could not be reached for comment.
Item 6:

Dateline--Las Vegas, Nevada:
Volunteers are trying to count homeless people living on the streets but admit, "We really don’t have a system." Coincidentally, that’s the same reason people are homeless in Las Vegas.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week:
A large woman wearing a sleeveless dress walks into a bar. She raises her arm to reveal a huge, hairy armpit, and shouts to the crowd, "Which man here will buy a lady a drink?" The bar falls silent, and then a very drunk guy slaps money on the bar and says, "Give the ballerina a drink." The woman chugs it down, lifts her hairy-pitted arm again and asks, "Which man here will buy another drink for a lady?" The bleary-eyed drunk plops down some more money and says, "I’ll buy the ballerina another drink." The bartender approaches the drunk and asks, "It’s none of my business, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?" The drunk replies, "Any woman that can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina."