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This is National Newspaper Week. To celebrate, my wife threw me out the car
towards the neighbor’s driveway…and she missed. |
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Item 2: |
The makers of the Dr. Phil Diet Pill have settled a lawsuit claiming the pill
doesn’t work. They have also halted plans for future Dr. Phil products,
including, “Speak Like A Yankee” CD set and “Dr. Phil’s Miracle Hair Growing
Gel.” |
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Item 3: |
Fun Fact You Should Know
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds. Of course, you have to
kick it just right. |
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Item 4: |
Wait, This Just In I just received an Instant Message from Congressman Mark
Foley. It says, “I just laughed at the chicken joke…does that make you horny?
Are you wearing boxers?” |
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Item 5: |
Two Americans have won the Noble Prize For Science for their discovery of a
method of turning off genes that cause disease. You know, when I put on tight
jeans, I turn off my wife. |
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Item 6: |
During an interview on The Tyra Banks Show, Nicole Ritchie vowed, “There won’t
be a reunion.” Lionel’s daughter swears that the pair hasn’t seen each other in
over three years. This of course was Ritchie’s response to the question, “Would
you like a donut?” |
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And Finally: |
The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A rich man and a poor man were discussing what they got their wives for their
birthdays. The rich man said he got his wife a diamond necklace and a
Mercedes-Benz. The poor man asks, “Why two gifts?” “Because if she doesn’t
like the necklace,” explains the rich man, ‘”she can drive the Mercedes to
return it. What did you get your wife?” “Some flip-flops and a dildo,” answers
the poor husband. “Why those?” asks his rich pal. “Because if she doesn’t like
the flip flops, she can go f#%@ herself.” |
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