| First Up:
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Thirty-nine per cent of horror fans say that they want to see Paris Hilton
as a horror movie victim. The other 61 per cent are content with her as a
whore, in a movie. |
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Item 2: |
Street magician Criss Angel is reportedly dating Paris Hilton. So that’s his
next trick: making STDs disappear. |
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Item 3: |
Dateline—London
The Associated Press is reporting that Michael Jackson will make a rare public
appearance next month at the World Music Awards, followed by a not so rare
appearance at a local elementary school and then a Chuck E. Cheese. |
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Item 4: |
Dateline--New York
A prosecutor has come up with an idea for worried parents: Stroller License
Plates. The inventor claims they’ll help keep tabs on nannies. The weird
part? The license plates will be made by kids serving in Time Out. |
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Item 5: |
A new study has found that smoking marijuana may slow the onset of Alzheimer’s.
In a related story, Charlton Heston, upon hearing the news, was quoted as
saying, “You can rip this bong out of my cold, dead hands.” |
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Item 6: |
A new study has found that sexually explicit song lyrics triggers teen sex. I
think all music has that potential. Every time my wife sings, “Happy Birthday,”
I want her to blow out my candle. |
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And Finally: |
The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving. “Sir,” explained the
officer, “you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be held
against you.” To which the drunk replied, “Your boobs, please.” |
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