| First Up:
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Bob Barker, host of “The Price is Right,”says he’ll finally retire next
year. He said he wants to spend more time with his sexual harassment
lawsuits and pursue movie roles. |
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Item 2: |
Dateline--Portland, Oregon
A scientist has found a 100 million year-old bee trapped in a piece of amber.
This makes it the second oldest bee ever found, with Bea Arthur still the
reigning Queen. |
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Item 3: |
Nicole Ritchie has checked into a treatment center for an eating disorder. The
Tiny Little Daughter of a Famous Person said she knew she had a problem when her
agent offered her the job as host of the new game show, “Meal or No Meal.” |
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Item 4: |
A Sad Note.
Phillip Paulson, the atheist from San Diego who tried to have a cross removed
from public land, died at the age of 59. Per his wishes, a priest read him his
Miranda rights and then he was dumped on the curb for the city’s weekly bulky
item pick-up. |
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Item 5: |
Giorgio Armani will design the wedding attire for the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes
wedding. The long-time friend of the groom said that the hardest part of the
design process will be to “make Katie look happy and Tom look straight.” |
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Item 6: |
Actor Neal Patrick Harris, star of the sitcom, “How I Met Your Mother,” has come
out to People Magazine, declaring, “I’m a very content gay man.” Producers of
his show have no problem with the statement, however they did announce that the
program will now be called, “How I Met Your Mother at A Village People Concert.” |
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And Finally: |
The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do things around the house like he
used to. After a complete examination, the man said to the doctor, “In plain
English, tell me what’s wrong.” The doctor said, “You’re just a lazy old
fart.” “Thank you,”said the man, “Now give me the medical term, so I can tell
my wife.” |
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