November 21, 2006
First Up: A new study found that 31 percent of registered Democrats are annoyed when the toilet seat is left up, versus just 19 percent of Republicans.  It also found a whopping 83 percent of Independents don’t care, since they go wherever they want to, Bay-bee!
Item 2:  Dateline--Hollywood, California
Seinfeld actor Michael Richards had a meltdown while doing stand-up at The Laugh Factory, yelling racial slurs at audience members.  He claims he was just doing research for his new sitcom, “The New Adventures of Old Kramer.”
Item 3: 

Dateline--Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Over 700 people became ill aboard a cruise ship.  Officials believe the severe nausea was caused by either a food-borne illness or the ship’s entertainment, “An Evening With Gallagher.”
Item 4: 

Fun Fact You Should Know
According to a leading fertility expert, men who sleep on heated waterbeds lower their sperm count by 10 percent.  The study also concluded that a man on any bed is hoping to lower his sperm count, one way or another.
Item 5: A Sad Note
Robert McCurry, a former auto executive who is credited with inventing The Rebate passed away at age 83.  Per his wishes, he’ll be cremated, and up to 50 percent of his ashes will be returned to his family.
Item 6: Jack Nicholson’s daughter Lorraine has been named Miss Golden Globe, a title that will be given to her during next year’s Golden Globe Awards ceremony.  In a related story, Wynonna Judd retains her crown as Miss Big As A Globe.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A drunk was proudly showing off his apartment to a couple of friends late one night.  When they made it to the bedroom, they saw a big brass gong next to his bed.  “What’s that thing doing in your bedroom?” asked one of the pals.  “It’s a talking clock,” replied the drunk. “You’re kidding, right?”  “Nope.  Listen to this,“ directed the drunk, as he picked up a mallet and struck the gong, creating an ear-shattering sound.  A few seconds later, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, “You asshole! It’s three o’clock in the morning.”