December 05, 2006
First Up: I saw “3 lbs.”; not the new show on CBS, but Nicole Ritchie on Entertainment Tonight.
Item 2:  Dateline--London, England
According to “The Star” tabloid, Britney Spears was spotted pole-dancing with Paris Hilton.  In a related story, Kevin Federline has been spotted pan-handling in Paris, Texas.
Item 3:  A Sad Note
George Clooney’s beloved pot-belly pig, Max, passed away at the age of 19.  Until he finds a replacement, he has asked his pal Danny DeVito to move in.
Item 4:  Fun Fact You Should Know
Secretary of State to-be Robert Gates’ nickname during Bush’s first term was “Eyore,” because he always worried about the worst case scenario.  I guess it’s better than Donald Rumsfeld, who ended up with “Pooh” on his face.
Item 5: The United States is considering a ban on luxury items exported to North Korea.  Taboo items would include Rolex watches,  iPods and plasma TVs.  I think if you really wanted to hurt Kim Jong Il, we should stop sending huge Starsky’s Grandma glasses, elevator shoes and Vitalis.
Item 6: Dateline--Los Angeles
Police commissioners rejected a proposal that would regulate the fortune-telling industry.  According to a spokesperson for fortune-tellers, “The commissioners don’t have the crystal balls to do it.”
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper.  The trooper noticed the driver popping something into his mouth and asked, “What’s that you just swallowed?”  “A birth control pill,” answered the trucker. “Why a birth control pill?” asked the cop.  “Because when I saw your lights, I knew I was screwed!”