December 12, 2006
First Up: I  saw “Unaccompanied Minors” this week.  Not the new Lewis Black movie, Michael Jackson’s Christmas list.
Item 2:  Hey ladies!  According to the folks at www.about.com, there are twenty-five different ways you can tell if a man is lying to you.  Number one:  His mouth is open.
Item 3:  Former Secretary of State James Baker, co-author of the book, “Iraq Study Group” said, “I hope they don’t treat this like a fruit salad and say, ‘I like this and I don’t like that!”  Coincidentally the same thing that caused the break up of The Village People.
Item 4:  Dateline--Chicago, Illinois Researchers at The Field Museum say that a box of bones left there over ten years ago was finally identified as the remains of a dwarf water buffalo.  The scientific name for the extinct critter is UglyBetty-asaurus.
Item 5: Vice President Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter Mary is expecting a child with her partner.  She said she’ll name it after her father regardless of the baby’s sex.  Little “Dickless” will not only share his or her name with Grandpa, but also with mommy’s method of conception.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
An office building cleaning lady got into an elevator and immediately cut a big fart.  Hoping to mask the evidence, she spritzed the air with a little pine-scented deodorizer.  Two floors later, a man got on, began to sniff and asked her, “Do you smell something?”  ”What does it smell like to you?” she asked.  The man answered, “Like someone pooped under a Christmas tree.”