| First Up:
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It's official: Angelina Jolie is pregnant with Brad Pitt's baby. This is
the first child for Pitt and the first for Jolie that will arrive via her
chute instead of the black market. The A-list fetus has already signed a
$10 million sonogram deal. |
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Item 2: |
During Supreme Court Nominee Sam Alito's confirmation hearings, one Senator said
to the candidate, "Before we give you the keys to the car, we want to know where
you're headed." To which Ted Kennedy replied, "I'll drink to that." |
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Item 3: |
And speaking of Ted Kennedy, he just released a children's book about the life
of a Washington DC Senator narrated by a dog named Splash. He's already working
on a sequel about a cat named Gurgles who gets a ride from the Senator. |
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Item 4: |
And speaking of children's books, Stanley "Tookie" Williams also wrote a few
before his execution, using a ghostwriter. Does that mean he'll be able to
write them himself after he fries? |
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Item 5: |
Dateline--New Jersey
The Garden State has a new motto, "New Jersey. Come See for Yourself." Beating
out, "If You Know What's Good for You, You Didn't See Anything." |
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Item 6: |
Dateline--New Market, Ontario, Canada
A urologist testified that a man accused of rape could not have had sex with a
woman because his "Mountie" was so big that a woman who hadn't given birth
simply couldn't have accommodated it without serious injury. The defendant's
attorney's closing argument got right to the point: "If it doesn't fit, you must
acquit." |
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And Finally: |
The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A man was shopping for lawn ornaments at the hardware store. After making his
selection he told the cashier, "Give me four of those pinwheels, two pink
flamingos, a dozen sunflowers and one of those bent-over grandmas in bloomers."
The cashier replied, "That will be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars
for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology for my wife." |
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