February 14, 2006
First Up: According to a new study, women who take birth control pills have an increased risk of long term loss of sexual desire.  So I guess they really work.
Item 2:  Bush-bashers insist that a photo of The President in a meeting with an associate of Jack Abramoff proves that the two have had contact.  Defenders of George claim this proves nothing, and produced photos of The Commander in Chief reading books as evidence.
Item 3:  I've Got Some Bad News and Some Good News:
The Bad News Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow bird-hunter last weekend.  The Good News The man is a lawyer.  No truth to the rumor that the reason it took a day to report the accident was because Cheney tied the man to his front bumper and drove by Patrick Fitzgerald's house before going to the hospital.
Item 4:  A Sad Note:
A man on a flight to Los Angeles hung himself in an airplane lavatory.  The sad part? Since the plane was landing during the incident, the guy is now officially a member of the Mile Die Club.
Item 5: Dateline--Burbank, California
Hundreds of fat people showed up at a restaurant to audition for The Biggest Loser, making the eatery The Biggest Winner.  Although not selected for the show, The Biggest Loser of The Day Award went to the guy who showed up just to pick up chicks.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A blonde pushes her car into a service station, and tells the mechanic it died.  After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.  "What's the story?" asks the blonde. 
"Just crap in the carburetor." he replies.
"How often do I have to do that?"