February 21, 2006
First Up: Nick at Nite will honor classic TV shows at the Fourth Annual TV Land Awards.  Good Times will receive the Impact Award, Cheers, the Legend Award, and Batman, the I’m Pretty Sure They’re Gay Award.
Item 2:  Vice President Dick Cheney said his recent shooting accident will haunt him for the rest of his life.  According to life expectancy experts, at age 65 and after four heart attacks, that could be a week from next Tuesday.
Item 3: 

A new document has been uncovered showing that Al-Quaeda is run like a business.  Employees are given contracts that guarantee vacation time, sick days and a time-share cave at Tora-Bora.
Item 4: 

A Sad Note Actor Richard Bright, who appeared in all three Godfather movies, passed away at age 68.  According to New York City police, Bright was hit and killed by a city bus.  According to eyewitnesses, “Nobody saw nothing.”
Item 5: I’ve Got Some Bad News and Some Good News
The Bad News Because of extreme cold weather, Frigid-Fest has been cancelled.   The Good News Married men were able to celebrate just by going home.
Item 6: A Weird Note A woman gave birth at a Wal-Mart store in Florida.  The weird part?  The baby was born on the same aisle it was conceived on.  Gives a whole new meaning to, “Clean up on aisle three.”
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage.  The counselor asks them what the problem is, and the wife begins a tirade, listing every problem they’ve ever had.  She goes on and on, until finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, and kisses the woman passionately.  This shuts her up and she sits quietly in a daze.  The counselor turns to the husband and says, “That is what your wife needs at least three times a week.  Can you do that?”  The husband answers, “I can bring her on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I go fishing.”