February 28, 2006
First Up: In the Oscar nominated best picture, “Crash,” Sandra Bullock’s character tells a friend, “I’m angry all the time and I don’t know why.”  Maybe it’s because you said yes to “Miss Congeniality II.”
Item 2:  Dateline--Raleigh, North Carolina
The Army has accused seven paratroopers of engaging in sexual acts on a gay porn site.  Gives a whole new meaning to, “Don’t open your chute too early!”
Item 3: 

A couple that met at a Wendy’s restaurant has decided to get married there.  Instead of a ring bearer, they are using a severed finger.  Gives a whole new meaning to fast-food joint.
Item 4: 

Fun Fact You Should Know
Some schools no longer give students “Fs” when they fail.  Instead, their report cards read, “Delayed Success.”  Not a great strategy to prepare these kids for like.  Do you think if they are late with the rent, their landlords will “Delay Homelessness?”
Item 5: A man paid $100,000 dollars for two cowboy shirts worn by the lead actors of Brokeback Mountain.  The anonymous buyer described the shirts as, “The ruby slippers of our time.”  Yeah, and when you click them together, you are transported to a bath house in San Francisco.”
Item 6: An employee at Harry’s Hardware store noticed the face of Jesus Christ on a piece of sheet metal.  In honor of the sighting the shop’s new slogan is, “Harry’s Hardware:  We Pass The Savior On To You.” 
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A highway patrolman pulls alongside a speeding car.  He is astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel is knitting.  The trooper cranks down his window and yells through his loudspeaker, “Pull over.”  “No,” replies the driver, “It’s a scarf.”