March 14, 2006
First Up: Sixty-eight percent of Americans believe that the country is ready for a woman president.  The other thirty-two percent said, “Honey, can you get me a beer?”
Item 2:  Britney Spears is expecting her second child in the fall.  According to inside sources, her people are already shopping for a car that can accommodate two kids on her lap while she’s driving.
Item 3: 

Dateline--San Diego, California
Border patrol agents seized a truck filled with five tons of marijuana and dozens of television sets.  They think the TVs were either a decoy or, part of a new promotion called “Buy A Hundred Pounds of Pot And Get a Free TV!”
Item 4: 

Barbra Streisand’s latest blog entry berates President Bush and among other things, refers to him as a “C student.”  According to Spell-Check, Babs’ diatribe contained twenty misspelled words.  She blamed the errors on her secretary, James Brolin, and promptly fired him.
Item 5: Dateline--Oregon City, Oregon
A car salesman has settled a federal lawsuit that claimed he was harassed at work because of his Islamic beliefs.  He also claims that his sales were off because potential customers didn’t want to start up the car for a test drive with him in it!
Item 6: Dateline--Athens, Georgia
A woman claims that she was poked by a hypodermic needle that was taped to her seat in a movie theater.  According to the manager, poking claims have gone up dramatically since they’ve been showing “Brokeback Mountain.”
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
One Saturday morning, a man got up early for his scheduled fishing trip.  He dressed quietly so as not to wake his wife, made a sack-lunch, tip-toed into the garage, hooked up his boat to the truck, and backed out into a torrential downpour.  There was snow mixed with rain and fifty mile an hour winds.  The radio weather report predicted it would get worse as the day wore on.  Down but not out, he went back in the house, got undressed and slipped into bed.  Cuddling up to his wife, now with a different sort of anticipation, he whispered, “The weather is terrible.”  She replied sleepily, “I know, can you believe my husband is out fishing in this s*@&?”