March 21, 2006
First Up: According to a new study, researchers claim that they can tell if a man is gay just by his body language.  Another way to tell is if he walks into a room a sequined thong and twirling sparklers.
Item 2:  Del Monte Foods has acquired Milk-Bone Dog Treats.  Del Monte is Spanish for “of the mountain” and Milk Bone is English slang for having your way with a cow.
Item 3: 

Dateline--Columbia, South Carolina
The Surgeon General says that obesity is the terrorist within.  I hear that inside of Wynonna Judd, three plotters are trying desperately to get out.
Item 4: 

Researchers at the University of North Carolina found that over 50 percent of anorexics suffer from the disease because of their genes. Especially if you can no longer squeeze into them.
Item 5: It’s official:  the popular 80s’ television show Dallas will be made into a movie.  John Travolta will play JR and Jennifer Lopez will play his long-suffering wife, Sue Ellen.  In this version, JR almost gets shot, but Sue Ellen’s big fat ass gets in the way.
Item 6: Donald Trump’s wife Melania gave birth to an eight-pound eight-ounce baby boy.  The Donald says he’s very happy about the new addition, and even happier about the eight-pound, five-ounce return on his investment.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead are walking down street when the redhead sees her boyfriend buying flowers.  “Oh crap,” exclaimed the redhead, “My boyfriend is buying me flowers again.”  The blonde looks at her quizzically and asks, “You don’t like getting flowers?”  “I love getting flowers,” explains the redhead, “but he always has expectations after giving them to me.  I just don’t feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air.”  Still puzzled, the blonde asks, “Don’t you have a vase?”