| First Up:
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It’s official: Barbara Walters
announced that Rosie O’Donnell is joining the cast of The View. Finally, a
man’s perspective on the show. |
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Item 2: |
Yesterday thousands of undocumented workers walked off their jobs to participate
in “A Day Without Immigrants.” Or, as business travelers at hotels called it,
“A Day Without Pillow Mints.” |
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Item 3: |
I’ve Got Some Bad News And Some Good News
The Bad News A Colorado man was swatted to the ground and chased to his car by a
bear after leaving an outhouse. The Good News Since he was leaving the
outhouse, the incident didn’t scare the crap out of him. |
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Item 4: |
A Sad Note Test Pilot Scott Crossfield, the first man to
fly twice the speed of sound, passed away at the age of 84. Per his wishes,
mourners will be asked for twice the moment of silence. |
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Item 5: |
Tom Cruise has announced that he has renamed changed his fiancée’s name from
Katie to Kate, because Katie is a young girl’s name. He said she would still
address him as she always did as, “Mr. Cruise, Sir.” |
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Item 6: |
Dateline—Miami A 76 year-old man claiming to be a doctor was caught giving
women mammograms exams door-to-door. For the record, I know the guy’s brother
and he is a real doctor. Otherwise I would have never let him give me a free
testical exam and backrub!” |
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And Finally: |
The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death at the drive-in movie
theater? They went to see “Closed For The Winter.” |
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