May 09, 2006
First Up: Last week, I reported that a man was arrested for posing as a doctor and giving away free breast exams.  Turns out that he was also arrested a few years ago for going door-to-door delivering singing mammograms.
Item 2:  Tom Cruise said that he could watch his new baby for hours on end, even mesmerized and impressed when she has gas.  He said the same thing about Penople Cruz eating a big bean burrito.
Item 3: 

Dateline--Grand Forks, North Dakota:
A woman who was wanted on a drug-related warrant was arrested after being found hiding inside dryer.  The officer said, “This is actually a very common hiding place, which is great for me, because I love the warm, fuzzy feeling of a crack-addict right out of the dryer.”
Item 4: 

Dateline--Ohio:
During the lethal injection-style execution of a double murderer, one of bad guy’s veins collapsed, and he sat up and said, “It’s not working.”  This went on for 90 minutes.  He should have said, “Can you kill me now?”
Item 5: Dateline--Ashland, Nebraska:
A man whose legal residence is a school bus in a junk yard has been giving the ok to run for mayor.  The weird part? The mayor’s residence is a dump truck.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A man enters a bus with both pockets full of golf balls and sits next to a blonde.  The blonde looks puzzled, and after a long, uncomfortable stare, the man says, “It’s golf balls.”  She keeps staring and finally says, “Does that hurt as much as tennis elbow?”