May 23, 2006

First Up: The slogan, “What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas,” has prompted a lawsuit regarding which variations of the slogan can be used.  The suit was filed against the publisher of a new book about Seigfried and Roy titled, “What Happens In Roy, Stays In Roy.”
Item 2:  A new poll shows that 49 percent of Americans don’t mind that the government is tracking their phone calls.  The other 51 percent said that they already have a “Government Eavesdropping Waiting” feature on their phone.
Item 3: 

A new survey from the American Psychiatric Association shows that nearly half of all Americans wouldn’t recognize signs of mental illness.  The remainder replied, “I’m a excellent driver, 20 minutes to Wopner, I’m an excellent driver…”

Item 4: 

I’ve Got Some Bad News And Some Good News 
The Bad News: A fisherman in Norman, Oklahoma discovered a human foot inside a running shoe.  The Good News:  He threw it back because it wasn’t his size. 

Item 5: According to a study in the medical journal, “Obesity Research,” Nearly half of those surveyed said that they would give up one year of life rather than be fat.  Fifteen percent said that they would give up ten years of life if they could find One Size Fits All My Ass
Item 6: Experts say that if you experience ear pain on while flying you should blow a balloon during the descent.  No word on what to do if the guy next to you is nicknamed “Balloon.”
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week One day on a walk through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle and picked it up.  A genie rose from the bottle and said, “I have to grant you a wish.”  Osama thought for a moment and said, “I want to wake up with three American women in my bed.”  The next day, he woke up next to Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hillary Clinton.  His penis was gone, his legs were broken, and he had no health insurance.”