May 30, 2006
First Up: Angelina Jolie gave birth to Brad Pitt’s baby over the weekend.  This is the first of Jolie’s children to arrive without paying off border guards in a third world country. 
Item 2:  According to just-hired White House Spokesperson Tony Snow, Secretary of The Treasury, John Snow, is leaving his post.  He said it’s all part of The President’s “Snow Job Replacement Program.”
Item 3: 

Fun Facts You Should Know 
Following are a few “Pirate Talk-to-English” translations:  “Me hearty” means “my friend,” “Shiver me timbers!” is used for “I can’t believe it!” and “Well blow me down” is what pirates say when they meet Sigfried and Roy.
Item 4:  A Sad Note: 
Eli A. Rubenstein, a psychologist who studied the effects of TV violence on children passed away at age 87.  Family members say he was probably working when he died, since he was found wearing just a diaper, and had a giant anvil in his head.  A coyote was spotted running away from the scene.
Item 5: A passenger aboard a Carnival cruise ship was reported missing.  Authorities suspect he jumped overboard.  The Captain said it could have been worse, since he was leading the Congo line. 
Item 6: Dateline--Los Angeles, California 
Eight teenagers, including two in the trunk, packed into a Nissan Sentra, survived a plunge over Mullholland Drive.  No truth to the rumor that they were celebrating, How Immigrants Get Into The Country Day.
And Finally: The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A wise old Mother Superior was on her deathbed.  The nuns gathered around and tried to make her comfortable.  One offered her a glass of warm milk, but she refused it.  The nun remembered a bottle of Irish whiskey in the kitchen, and added a generous dose to the milk.  The dying nun tasted it, then took another sip, then a gulp, and soon, every drop was gone.  “Mother,” another nun asked, “Please give us some wisdom before you die.”  Barely audible, but with a serene look on her face, the Mother Superior answered, “Don’t sell that cow.”