| First Up:
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According to the US Census, by
mid-October, the USA will add its 300 millionth person. There is an 80
percent chance that this person will be an immigrant boy with the last name
Jolie-Pitt. |
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Item 2: |
Enron founder Ken Lay died of a heart attack at the age of 64, proving that
sometimes God doesn’t work in mysterious ways. |
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Item 3: |
Keith Richards has signed on to play Johnny Depp’s father in the third
installment of Pirates of The Caribbean. The role is an upgrade for Richards as
he was originally cast as, “Third Skeleton From The Right.” |
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Item 4: |
A Sad Note Police found an 84-year-old California man living with the body of
his wife who had passed away two weeks earlier. The Sad Part? He was finally
getting some. |
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Item 5: |
Activist Cindy Sheehan is on a two-month hunger strike that began July 4.
People think the strike is yet another of Sheehan’s protests against the Iraq
war, but actually it’s because her 30-year high school reunion will takes place
on September 3. |
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Item 6: |
Warren Buffet was asked why he gave his children a measly one billion bucks
each. He said, “I gave them enough so that they can do anything, and enough so
that they can do nothing.” I agree. If I had only one billion in the bank, I’d
still be calling in on Tuesdays. |
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And Finally: |
The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
After having all of his teeth pulled, a minister had new dentures made. The
first Sunday with his new choppers, he only preached for ten minutes. The
second week, 20 minutes. But on the third week, he preached an hour and 25
minutes. When a member of his congregation asked how he did it, he replied,
“Well, the first Sunday, my mouth was too sore to talk. The second Sunday, my
dentures were hurting a lot. On the third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my
wife’s dentures, and I couldn’t stop talking!” |
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