| First Up:
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Dateline—Finland The winners of
The 11th Annual Wife Carrying Competition crossed the finish line in 56.9
seconds. Despite the excellent time, the world record for carrying a spouse
is still held by Britney Spears. |
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Item 2: |
New photos of Pamela Anderson sunbathing topless in front of her children are
being circulated on the internet. When asked if the former Baywatch Babe
thought that the pictures were inappropriate, Anderson replied, “They see a hell
of a lot worse on Home Movie Night.” |
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Item 3: |
Former “Friends” star Courtney Cox, who turned 42 recently said that she is in
therapy because people tease her about her age. Her therapist said, “They don’t
tease you about your age, they tease you about your last name.” Nobody likes a
42 year-old Cox. |
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Item 4: |
A Sad Note Robert Brooks, the founder of Hooters Restaurants, passed away at
age 69! Insert your own joke here. Funeral arrangements are pending, but a
spokesperson promises that as plans develop, the family will keep the public
abreast. Or two. |
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Item 5: |
Fun Fact You Should Know: According to a retirement expert, one member of a
65-year-old couple has a 45 percent chance of living to be 95. This good news
is attributed to better medical care and diet, more frequent exercise, and
neither person likes to drink before cleaning their gun. |
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Item 6: |
Plus-Size Comedienne Monique says that her new TV show is about not losing
weight. She says her motto is, “If you take the “T” out of diet, you get
“Die.” If you follow that logic and take the “T” out of Monique, you still got
a whole lotta “A.” |
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And Finally: |
The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week: Two newlyweds make a confession to each other
on their honeymoon night. The groom says, “Honey, I’m addicted to golf. I have
to be out on the course morning, noon and night.” “That’s o.k.,” replies his
blushing bride, “I’ve got a confession, too: I’m a hooker.” “No big deal,”
answers the groom, “Just loosen your grip and open the club face.” |
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