August 15, 2006

First Up:	According to a new study, 45 percent of men say that they have had less than five sex partners. The other 55 percent were priests.
Item 2:	Jenna Jameson has become the first adult film star immortalized in Madame Tussauds Wax Museum, giving a whole new meaning to the phrase,  “Wax on, Wax off.”
Item 3:	Eighty year-old Hugh Hefner is denying rumors that he had a mini-stroke, though he does admit that he came close when drunken Mini-Me actor Verne Troyer gave him a #$@% job.
Item 4:	The Internet has a new site designed for singles over 50 who want to meet new friends.  Creators describe the site as “a lot like MySpace,” but this gathering place is called www.thisdamnthingisfrozenagain.com.
Item 5:	Dateline—Michigan Two men found in possession of 1,000 cell phones were arrested and are being held on terrorism charges.  Authorities became suspicious when one of them tried to sign up for the “Reach Out And Kill Infidels” plan.
Item 6:	Dateline--Omaha, Nebraska Dustin Diamond, best known as television’s “Screech,” claims that a woman broke into his hotel room, tried to steal some video games and then attacked him.  Luckily, a hotel employee intervened and stopped her.  Turns out this incident was just a publicity stunt for Diamond’s new show, “Saved By The Bellhop.”
And Finally:	The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week An old woman is riding in an elevator in a lavish New York City apartment building.  A young woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume and says, “’Romance,’ by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce.”  Another woman enters the elevator, and declares arrogantly, “’Chanel Number Five,’ $200 an ounce.”  Three floors later, the elevator opens up on the old woman’s floor and before she exits, she bends over, farts, and says, “Broccoli, 49 cents a pound, “ as the doors slide shut.