August 22, 2006
First Up: A bust of Hillary Clinton was unveiled at The Museum of Sex.  Bill complimented the artist for capturing Hillary’s sexual traits: “Stone-cold and worthless from the neck down.”
Item 2:  As part of the democrats strategy to win back Congress, lefties are trying to smear Wal-Mart.  According to one unnamed source, “Americans have been paying low prices for way too long.  When we are in power again, we will put a stop to this practice immediately.”
Item 3: 

Nicole Kidman, along with 75 other celebrities, is taking a stand against terrorism.  This is the second time Kidman has battled a menacing, larger-than-life enemy.  The first?  Her divorce from Tom Cruise.
Item 4: 

Question of The Week:  If you have casual sex with actress Marlee Matlin, is it because you just want a little peace and quiet?
Item 5:

Northwest Airlines apologized for a pamphlet they gave employees titled “101 Ways To Save Money” The suggestions included taking shorter showers, buying jewelry at a pawn shop, and picking through the trash for “good stuff.” Along with the apology, corporate suits offered the following Helpful Hints For Healing:  “Get over it!” “We all got problems” and “Quit!”
Item 6: Several Chinese women were detained by US Customs Agents after they discovered their underwear soaked in heroin.  They believe they may have been trying to smuggle drugs in the country or they just recently had sex with Rocker Keith Richards.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A man dies and appears at The Pearly Gates. St. Peter asks the man, “Have you done anything of merit?”  “Well, I was on a camping trip, and I came across a gang of bikers threatening a woman.  I went up to the biggest, scariest, most heavily tattooed biker, smacked him on the head, kicked over his bike and ripped out his nose ring.”  Then I said, “Back off, or you’ll have to answer to me.”  Impressed, St. Peter asked, “When did that happen?”   “A couple minutes ago.”