| First Up:
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Thirty-four percent of Americans
admit that they tidy up before the maid comes. The other sixty-six percent
say that they take their chances that their spouse won’t walk in on them. |
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Item 2: |
Gas prices have dropped about 22 cents a gallon in the past two weeks.
Democrats blame The Bush Administration and say, “Put us back in power and we’ll
tax it back up to all time highs.” |
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Item 3: |
Dateline--London, England
A pair of panties worn by Renee Zellweger in the “Bridget Jones’ Diaries” movie
is expected to bring in $185,000 at a charity auction. Items not expected to
bring that much include Boy George’s bra and RuPauls’ Jock Strap. |
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Item 4: |
Dateline--Cheshire, Oregon
A woman is in jail for shooting her husband after he shot the couple’s pet
chicken. When asked why he shot the chicken he said, “She wouldn’t let me choke
it anymore.” |
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Item 5: |
To help stop the dumping of unwanted puppies, Disney has issued a warning in the
DVD of “The Shaggy Dog.” It explains to viewers why a Bearded Collie may not be
the best choice for everyone. In a related story, Liza Minelli’s ex-husband
David Gest replied, “Amen to that!” |
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Item 6: |
A pilot in Georgia is offering couples that want to join the Mile High Club a
package deal: For just $299, they get a bottle of champagne and an opportunity
to do it at 5,280 feet. He also has an offer for single guys on a budget: For
just $29.95, you get a can of beer, a sock and the top bunk. |
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And Finally: |
The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
An old nun living next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the
workers, and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She
decided that she would join them for lunch to sit and talk with them. She packs
her sandwich, chips and Ho-Ho in a brown bag and walks over to the spot where
the men are eating. She approaches the group, and with a big smile on her face
asks, “Do you men know Jesus Christ?” They shake their heads no while looking
at each other. After a moment, one of the workers looks up into the steelwork
and yells, “ Anyone up there know Jesus Christ?” One of the steelworkers yells
back, “No! Why?” “Because his wife is here with his lunch!” |
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