January 9, 2007
First Up:  Lindsay Lohan had her appendix removed at a Los Angeles hospital last week.  There was nothing wrong with it, it was just tired of drinking.
Item 2:  A new study has found that eating soy can make you gay, especially if Soy is the name of your Chinese houseboy.
Item 3:  Dateline--Spain
Scientists have discovered a dinosaur that weighed as much as seven elephants.  Or, as Donald Trump calls it, "The Rosie O'Donnus Rex."
Item 4:  A Sad Note
A little boy got his thumb caught in an escalator while shopping with his parents in New York.  The sad part?  He'll never be able to fulfill his dream of hitchhiking across America with his hound dog, a backpack and a dirty red bandana.
Item 5: Sylvester Stallone said that he supports Latin Americans coming to the United States to make a living.  He said his opinion has very little to do with their work ethic, he's just happy that most of them are shorter than he is.
Item 6: According to a Fox News Poll about what we should look forward to in the new year, 32 percent of Americans believe there will be a reduction of troops in Iraq, 29 percent believe we'll find a cure for cancer, and a whopping 83 percent feel certain that physicist Steven Hawking will not be the new champion on Dancing with the Stars.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A Department of Agriculture Representative arrived unexpectedly at a farm early one morning and told the owner, "I'm here for your annual inspection."  "You'd better not go out in that field," warned the farmer.  "I have the authority of the United States Government behind me," declared the representative, "See this card?  It allows me to go wherever I want on agricultural land."  "Suit yourself," said the farmer, and he got back to his chores.  After a few minutes, the farmer heard a loud scream and saw the agent running for his life, followed closely by a very, very angry enormous bull.  Thinking fast, the farmer yelled, "Show him your card!  Show him your card!"