| First Up:
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Home Depot is set to open several stores in China this year. They are
already training employees to say "That's not my aisle," in Chinese. |
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Item 2: |
Soul legend James Brown's body remains unburied while his attorneys fight to
settle his estate. Fans stopping by to pay their respects have changed his
nickname to "The fastest rotting man in show business." |
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Item 3: |
Nancy Pelosi has banned smoking in The Congressional Lounge. Openly gay
congressman/cigar smoker Barney Frank said, "I've got nothing left to put in my
mouth." |
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Item 4: |
Dateline--Charlotte, North Carolina
The INS arrested 60 fugitive illegal aliens including one man found hiding in a
cupboard. When asked, "Why a cupboard?" he replied, "I got into a fight with my
wife and she kicked me out of our drawer." |
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Item 5: |
The American Dialect Society has selected "Plutoed" as Word of the Year. It
means "to demote or devalue someone or something," and is, coincidentally, a
synonym of the First-Runner Up Word of the Year, "Federlined." |
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Item 6: |
A new study has found that a majority of homeless people are single men.
Following are the top three pick-up lines used by homeless single men:
1. "Can I buy you a drink? Oh wait, I mean, can you buy me a meal?"
2. "Yeah I'm trying to get in your pants…because I'm freezing!"
3. "Your place or yours?" |
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And Finally: |
The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
An ancient old man shuffles slowly into the local ice cream parlor and notices a
new girl working the counter. He pulls himself up slowly, painfully onto the
stool and, after catching his breath, orders a banana split. "Crushed nuts?"
asks the waitress kindly. "No," replies the old man, "arthritis." |
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