January 23, 2007
First Up: A man confessed to killing his grandmother because they couldn't agree on what to watch on TV.  Ironically, he wanted to watch Family Feud, and she wanted to watch Six Feet Under.
Item 2:  The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists has moved the hands of its Doomsday Clock two minutes closer to midnight.  The magazine sites several reasons for the spring forward, among them, the nuclear ambitions of both Iran and North Korea, an increase in global terrorism and The Donald Trump-Rosie O'Donnell Feud.
Item 3:  A Sad Note
Julie Bertrand, who held the title of "The World's Oldest Woman" for just a month, passed away at age 115.  According to her nurse, her death was caused by the pressure of being "The World's Oldest Woman."
Item 4:  Dateline-Cuba
Cuban officials deny US reports that President Fidel Castro is near death.   They insist that their leader will be with them for "a very long time." In a related story, there has been a sharp increase in rentals of Weekend at Bernie's at the Havana Blockbuster.
Item 5: Just in time for Valentine's Day, a company in Hong Kong is selling musical condoms.  They come in two sizes: "The Long and Winding Road," and "It's a Small World After All."
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
Two old guys are sitting on their favorite park bench.  One of them had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even out of breath.  The other man was amazed and asked him what his secret was.  "I eat a loaf of rye bread every day," he answered, "It keeps your energy level high and you have great stamina with the ladies."  With that, the other guy headed straight for the nearest bakery and asked the clerk for five loaves of rye bread. "My goodness, 5 loaves!" exclaimed the clerk, "by the time you get to the fifth loaf, it'll be hard."  "I can't believe everybody except me knows about this stuff!"