March 27, 2007
First Up: Dateline--Denver, Colorado
John Denver's classic song, "Rocky Mountain High," has been chosen as the state's second official song, beating out Eric Clapton's "Cocaine," by two votes.
Item 2:  Stevie Wonder is being sued by a former employee at his Los Angeles- based radio station for being fired.  Commenting on the lawsuit, the singer said, "I didn't see this coming."
Item 3:  A man on a British Airways flight from London says he woke up next to a dead man and his grieving widow.   When he complained to management, he was told to "Get over it."  Gives a whole new meaning to "Keep a stiff upper lip," doesn't it?  No truth to the rumor that it was all part of the airline's new "Corpses Fly Free" program.
Item 4:  Dateline: Nevada
Firefighters torched the last building of the infamous Mustang Ranch Brothel, officially destroying the place.  After the blaze, one onlooker commented, "This isn't the first time that men in uniform left the ranch with a burning sensation."
Item 5: Dateline--Superior, Wisconsin
A 20 year old man has received probation for having sex with a dead deer.  He said the whole thing was a misunderstanding:  the deer was tied to the front of the car, and he was actually trying to have sex with the bumper.
Item 6: Wolfgang Puck has announced that he is beginning a program to fight animal cruelty.  From now on, veal will come from roaming animals, and eggs will come from free-range chickens.  Lobsters, however will continue to be cut in half while they are still alive.  I guess its Wolfie's way of saying, "Puck you, PETA."
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A man goes to his doctor and says, "Don't laugh."  "Of course I won't laugh," replies the doctor, "I'm a professional.  I've never laughed at a patient."  "Okay then," said the patient, and he dropped his pants to reveal the tiniest piece of business the doctor had ever seen.  It was the size of a triple A battery.  The doctor couldn't help himself, and he laughed until he was doubled over.  Finally, after a ten-minute fit, the doctor regained his composure and said, "I'm so sorry.  I don't know what came over me.  It won't happen again.  Now, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen."