April 10, 2007
First Up: Katie Couric has changed her opening greeting on the CBS Evening News from, "Hi everyone," to "Hello, everyone."  And if her ratings don't improve, she's going to change it to "Please watch.  My ass is on the line." 
Item 2:  The White House held its annual Easter Egg Roll on Sunday. Laura Bush read the children's book, "Duck for President" to the kids, as well as a few pages from the sequel, "Duck!  It's the Vice President!"
Item 3:  Dateline--Columbus, Mississippi:
And Speaking of Ducks The United States Air Force has determined that ducks caused the crack in the windshield of a training jet, from which the pilots were forced to eject.  According to the black box, the last word recorded was "Aflac."
 
Item 4:  Question of The Week
If a photographer sits on his butt all day, does he get Polaroids?"
Item 5: Dateline--Chicago
Police arrested a 17 year-old girl for running an escort service from Craigslist.  Officials became suspicious when she placed an ad on the popular website for a used couch that folds out into a hooker.
Item 6: Despite the controversy that surrounds him, Barry Bonds will be the next major leaguer with a candy bar named after him.  It's bitter chocolate with tiny nuts.  It's called the "I Plead The 5th Avenue." Available by prescription only.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A man and a woman were having dinner at a fine restaurant.  The waitress, taking an order at a table nearby, saw the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table.  The woman didn't seem to notice.  The waitress continued to watch as the man slid all the way down his chair and under the table.  The woman remained unruffled, seemingly unaware that her dining companion had vanished.  The waitress couldn't stand it.  She went to the table and said to the woman, "Excuse me, but I think your husband just slid under the table."  "No he didn't," replied the woman calmly, "he just walked in the door."