April 17, 2007
First Up: Dateline-Hollywood
Paris Hilton accidentally left a sex toy at a Tinsel Town hot spot over the weekend.  The mistake was discovered after the manager realized that the club didn't own a floor buffer.
Item 2:  Dateline--Tobacco Ville, North Carolina
While filming his latest project, George Clooney went by a kid's lemonade stand and paid $20 for a glass.  The 10 year-old thanked him and said, "This makes up for the money I spent to sit through your last two movies."
Item 3:  I've Got Some Good News and Some Bad News
The Good News: Dateline--Washington A 100 year-old man had his driver's license renewed through 2012.  The Bad News An hour later, he showed up at the DMV to renew his driver's license through 2012.
Item 4:  The infamous Onion Field Killer died in prison at the age of 76.  Ironically, during his service, nobody cried.
Item 5: Question of The Week
When I buy a Dutch chocolate bar, should the store pay half?
Item 6: Physicists have devised a method to make invisibility possible. They use complex math equations to bend light around objects and make them disappear.  Until the process hits the mainstream, you can become invisible by telling people that your name is Mike Huckabee and you're running for President of The United States.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
An elderly couple was about to get married.  While discussing their prenuptial agreement, the bride-to-be declared, "I want to keep my house."  "Fine with me," agrees the groom.  "I also want to keep my Cadillac," she says.  "No problem," he responds. "And I want to have sex six times a week."   "Great!" he answers, "Put me down for Fridays."