April 24, 2007
First Up: Dateline-Guatemala An American who is known as The Anti-Christ has been denied entry into the Central American Country.  No word on why Alec Baldwin was trying to go there in the first place.
Item 2:  Dateline--Chico, California
A 102 year-old woman became the oldest person on record to make a hole in one and the second oldest to lose her virginity at the same time.
Item 3:  Dateline--Minneapolis, Minnesota 
Eight buildings at the University of Minneapolis were evacuated after a professor discovered an object that appeared to be a bomb.  After hours of investigation, officials determined it was just a DVD of Pauly Shore live.
Item 4:  Former American Idol contestant Sunjaya Malakar attended the annual White House Correspondents Dinner in Washington, DC, making the oddly popular singer the second most Unqualified Guy for the Job in the room.  He also tied for the title of "Kept Alive by Vote Manipulation," and sadly, went home with no door prizes.
Item 5: Dateline--Manila, The Philippines
A man running for a seat in the legislature will be listed on the ballot as Osama Bin Laden.  When asked why, he responded, "How else can I get Nancy Pelosi to visit me?"
Item 6: Larry Birkhead, the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, had nothing but nice things to say about his former adversary, Howard K. Stern.  "I had no idea he felt this way about me," said a surprised Stern, "and if he keeps this up, they just might find some of my DNA in him."
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A flat-chested woman asked her doctor about breast enhancement.  The doctor told her to rub her chest in the shower every day while repeating the phrase, "Scooby Dooby Doobies, I want bigger boobies."  She did this every day for several months, and miraculously, it worked!  Her bust line increased to an awesome D cup.  One morning, she was running late and realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.  So, frightened she might lose her lovely new breasts, she stood right in the middle of the bus and recited, "Scooby Dooby Doobies, I want bigger boobies."  A guy sitting nearby looked up from his paper and asked, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith.?"  "Why, yes I am!" replied the buxom woman, "How did you know?"  He leaned in a little closer and whispered, "Hickory, dickory, dock…"