May 1, 2007
First Up: The Democrats have united on a plan to pull out of Iraq.  Some experts say that if Bush’s parents had had a pullout plan 60 years ago, we wouldn’t be in this mess.
Item 2:  Elizabeth Hasselbeck, co-host of The View, announced that she is pregnant. No truth to the rumor that Rosie O’Donnell is the father.
Item 3:  Dateline—India
Richard Gere, whose sexual preference has been in question in the past, is facing criminal charges for hugging and kissing an actress in public.  His publicist says that he was just promoting his latest movie, “The Hoax.”
Item 4:  A Sad Note
The founder of Avis Rent-a-car, Warren Avis, passed away at the age of 82.  Luckily, the family purchased insurance and the company sent out a replacement.  Avis was eulogized a very Thrifty man, who started his Enterprise on a Budget of a Dollar, went National while never forgetting the Alamo.
Item 5: Dateline--New Rockford, North Dakota 
A high school senior picked up his prom date on a John Deer tractor.  Coincidentally, the mortified girl sent him a Dear John Letter the next day.
Item 6: Los Angeles Times sports writer Mike Penny has completed sexual reassignment surgery and will soon return to his desk as a woman.  His column will now be called “Sports Without Balls.”  The editors are very supportive of the decision.  In fact they are thrilled that now that he is a woman they can pay him less.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A man sells his liquor business after 25 years.  He buys 50 acres of land in Alaska so he can get away from it all.  In six months, the only people he sees are the postman and the grocery guy once a week.  One day, there’s a knock on his door.  It’s a big bearded man who introduces himself as Lars. “I live forty miles down the road,” says Lars, “I’m having a Christmas Party on Friday and you’re invited.”  “Great” said the man.   “I’m going to have warn you,” continues Lars, “There’s going to be some drinking, maybe some fighting, and most likely some wild sex. “  The man says, “No problem. I’ve been out here alone so long, I think I can handle it. What should I wear?”  “Don’t matter much,” answers Lars, “It’s just going to be the two of us.”