May 22, 2007
First Up: The housing market continues to slide.  In fact, it’s gotten so bad, The Home and Garden Channel has unveiled a new show, “Flip Off This House.”
Item 2:  Dateline--Hays, Kansas
A 95 year-old woman is officially the oldest person to graduate from college.  Her class has voted her Most Likely To Die First.
Item 3:  Dateline--China
A woman used her umbrella to save an 18 year-old woman after she was blown off of a six-story building.  According to onlookers, she landed safely but wouldn’t stop yapping about the benefits of a spoonful of sugar.
Item 4:  Fun Fact You Should Know
Los Angeles averages about 15 inches of rain a year, but this year has only had 3.16 inches of rain.  To put that in perspective, it’s twice the size of Alec Baldwin’s penis.
Item 5: Dateline--Washington, DC
The US Senate voted 69-23 to debate a bill that would allow millions of Mexicans who are here illegally to stay.  So far, the only one they are willing to deport is Attorney General, Alberto Gonzales.
Item 6: Dateline--New Hyde Park, New York
Doctors performed a successful operation to stop a three year-old girl from laughing uncontrollably.  Her parents could have saved a lot of money if The Zany Report aired in New Hyde Park, New York.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A 93 year-old woman was despondent after the death of her husband and wanted to kill herself.  She called her doctor and asked where her heart was located, since that’s where her pain was.  “It’s right below your left breast,” he informed her.  Later that night, she was rushed to the hospital with a gun shot wound to her left knee.”