June 12, 2007
First Up: Paleontologists have found that inbreeding, not over-hunting, caused the extinction of the Woolly Mammoth.  Upon hearing the news, President Bush said, “That’s why I always wear cotton.” 
Item 2:  Fun Fact You Should Know 
A goldfish has an attention span of three seconds.  Beating out a guy with a remote by a solid two!
Item 3:  A Sad Note
Bettye Travis, President of The National Association of Fat Acceptance passed away at age 55.  She is survived by her life partner, two daughters and a case of Hostess Ding Dongs.
Item 4: 

I’ve Got Some Bad News And Some Good News:
The Bad News President Bush canceled several important meetings due to a case of nasty diarrhea.
The Good News It’s the first thing he’s been able to pass in years.
Item 5:

I’ve Got Some More Good News and Some Better News:
The Good News Viagra may help decrease the effects of jet lag when taken in flight.
The Better News Hugely increasing your chances of joining The Mile High Club.
Item 6: Dateline--Van Nuys, California (AKA “Bullet-ins From My Backyard”)
Prosecutors want to try a 17 year-old student as an adult for attacking a fellow student with a hammer.  Coincidentally, the hammer attack occurred while the victim was doing her nails.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
“I just bought a new hearing aid,” a man boasted to his neighbor, “It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s perfect, the best out there.”  Impressed, the neighbor asked, “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”