June 19, 2007
First Up: The Olsen Twins celebrated their twenty-first birthday, prompting one eating disorder experts to comment, “They throw up so fast!”
Item 2:  Dateline: The White House
President Bush held an hour-long video-conference with Iraqi leaders this week.  According to a staffer, “It’s not uncommon for The President to hold video-conferences.  In fact,” he went on to say, “Yesterday I heard him having one with “Dora The Explorer.”
Item 3:  Steven Spielberg has declared his support of Hillary Clinton for President.  This is the second time he’s endorsed a Clinton.  Or as I like to call it, “Jurassic Park II.”
Item 4:  Dateline: Chattanooga, Tennessee
A mother and her boyfriend were arrested for tying up a 6 year-old boy and leaving him in their car while they ate dinner at The Cracker Barrel.  They denied any wrong doing, claiming they were just playing hide and seek, and this time they wanted to win.
Item 5: Angelina Jolie stunned onlookers at the premiere of her latest movie by wearing a $26 dress.  She said, “Fashion isn’t about what label you wear, it’s about how quickly a basement full of Ethiopian orphans can sew.”
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
“Bingle Wisdom” Normally, If you cross a mule with an onion, you get an onion with long ears.  But every now and then, when you least expect it, you get a piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eyes.