June 26, 2007
First Up: Hillary Clinton parodies Tony Soprano in a new on-line video.  The Clintons hope that her portrayal of a cold, vengeful mob boss will help soften her image.
Item 2: 

Paris Hilton says that her time in jail, has changed her and that she plans to turn her life around, giving credence to the old adage, “The Pen is Mightier Than The Whore.”
Item 3:  In a related story, Paris will appear on Larry King, bumping Michael Moore.  When producers were asked about the schedule change, a show insider explained, “We’ll save thousands on catering.”  And if BFF Nicole Ritchie shows up, they’ll have leftovers.
Item 4: 

Dateline--St. Louis, Missouri
A Sad Note.  A two-headed snake named We passed away at The World Aquarium.  His wife, a one-headed snake named Me, survives him.  According to a prominent herpetologist, there is only one two-headed snake in the world, former President Bill Clinton.”
Item 5:

A new Mom in suburban Illinois claims that she has been able to pick up Space Shuttle transmissions on her baby monitor.  She says that when you hear an astronaut cry on the monitor, it means its time to change her diaper.
Item 6: Dateline--Columbia, South Carolina 
Police are investigating the deaths of a naked couple who fell off a building after leaving their clothes on the roof. Investigators say that, “There are no signs of foul play or foreplay.”
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
According to a new study, eighty-five percent of women think their ass is too fat, ten percent think their ass is too skinny and the other five percent say that they don’t care, they love him, and they would have married him no matter what.