July 10, 2007
First Up: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are working on their second child.  If it’s a boy, they’ll name him Tom Jr. and if it’s a girl they’ll name her after Katie, and call her “Beard.”
Item 2:  Dateline: Wisconsin
Dan and Leslie Faulkner are the proud parents of the luckiest baby on earth.  Not only was the little boy born on 7/7/7, Jack Allan Faulkner weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces.  In keeping with the gambling theme, they are prepared for the baby to roll craps.
Item 3:  Question of The Week
If you work for an existentialist, can you be Employee of The Moment?
Item 4:  Britney Spears apologized for attacking a photographer’s car with an umbrella.  She said that she meant no harm and was just preparing for the lead in the new movie “Scary Poppins.” 
Item 5: Dateline: The Mexican Border
Technical issues are delaying completion of a high-tech fence that is supposed to stop the flow of illegal aliens.  Bush administration officials are concerned because preliminary tests show that it is working.
Item 6: Dateline: Hollywood Boulevard, California
A popular tourist attraction famous for its celebrity impersonators has become a crime scene.  Police are looking for a Chewbacca who sexually assaulted a Marilyn Monroe. The only witness is a Charlie Chaplin, and he’s not talking.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A magician worked on a cruise ship.  Since the audience was different each week, he always did the same tricks.  Unfortunately, The Captain’s parrot saw the show each week, and figured out how the secrets of the magician’s illusions. To make matters worse, during the shows, he started squawking things like, “Look! He’s hiding the flowers under the table,” and, “Look! It’s not the same hat.” One stormy night the ship capsized sending all aboard to life rafts. The parrot and the magician ended up on the same boat.  A day goes by, and the two adversaries say nothing to one another.  They continue to ignore each other until finally on the fourth day, the parrot says, “OK, I give up, where’s the freakin’ boat?”