August 22, 2007
First Up: Fox TV has announced that Richard Simmons will host a new reality show called, "So You Think You Can Prance."
Item 2:  According to an Austrian study, there is no link between a full moon and workplace accidents.  However, the study did conclude that there is a correlation between a full moon and a guy's big fat hairy ass.
Item 3:  Dateline--Ashland, Kentucky
A suspect nicknamed The Duct Tape Bandit, because he wrapped duct tape around his head to conceal his identity, has been arrested.  The District Attorney says the case is a slam-dunk because victims were able to pick him out of the line-up every time. 
Item 4:  The Question of the Week 
Do pirates suffer from Restless Peg-leg Syndrome?"
Item 5: I've Got Some Bad News and Some Good News
The Bad News: A 67 year-old woman waiting in line to view Elvis' grave at Graceland died from heat exhaustion.  The Good News: She's closer to Elvis than the people in the front of the line.
Item 6: A new study has found that chimpanzees are nicer than humans.  Researchers came to the conclusion after studying the monkeys interact in social situations and then watching five episodes of The Simple Life.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A woman married and had 13 children.  Her husband died.  She married a second time and had seven more children.  Again, her husband died.  She married once more, and had five children.  When she died after a long life, the preacher stood before her coffin, and said, "Lord, they're finally together." Hearing this, a mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"  "I think he means her legs," replied the friend.