October 16 2007
First Up: Dateline--The White House
President Bush will host The Dali Lama today.  When asked what he's been doing to prepare for his visit, he said, "I covered the floor with newspapers and bought a bag of baby carrots."
Item 2:  Two new studies have found that a virtual colonoscopy works just as well as traditional invasive methods.  Not only is the test quicker and faster, it breaks fewer sodomy laws.
Item 3:  Dateline--Greenville, Maine
The town council has given the go-ahead to The Black Frog Restaurant and their "Naked Lunch" promotion.  The café owner will give a free prime-rib "Skinny Dip" sandwich to anyone who jumps into the nearby lake nude.  No word on what stunt you have to pull to get a free tongue sandwich.
Item 4:  Fun Fact You Should Know
The first telephone book had only one page, and half of that was an ad for a personal injury attorney:  "Hit by a Model-T? Call Me!"
Item 5: A team of scientists has discovered that Neptune, one of the coldest planets in the solar system, actually does have a warm spot.  Coincidentally, these scientists are also unofficial advisors on the Hillary Clinton campaign.
Item 6: Dateline--Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
A man became enraged after a convenience store clerk wouldn't give him change for a million dollar bill.  According to witnesses, the customer lost it shortly after the cashier pointed to a sign that read, "We Don't Accept Bills Over $500,000."
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A man walks into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.  He sits down next to a blonde just as the ten o'clock news comes on.  The lead story was about a man threatening to jump off a building.  The blonde looks at the man and asks, "Do you think he'll jump?"  The man says, "I bet he will." She replies, "Twenty dollars says he won't," "You're on," says the man.  Just as she places the twenty on the bar, the man jumps.  The blonde sighs, shakes her head and pushes the twenty towards the man.  Seeing she's very upset about losing, he man confesses, "I can't take your money.  I saw this on the five o'clock news and I knew he was going to jump." "I did to," answers the blonde, "But I didn't think he'd do it again."