October 30, 2007
First Up: Hillary Clinton told Essence Magazine that her husband is always surprising her with gifts from his travels.  "In fact," says the Presidential hopeful, "The last time he was in Mexico, he brought me home a sombrero and syphilis."
Item 2:  A group of forensic anthropologists who extracted DNA from the skull of a Neanderthal have determined that it once had white skin and red hair.  They backed up their conclusion by comparing the skull to a picture of Carrot Top.
Item 3:  A Sad Note
Madeleine L'Engle, author of the children's sci-fi classic "A Wrinkle in Time," passed away at the age of 88.  Ironically, right before she died, she was on her way to a Botox appointment.
Item 4:  Fun Fact You Should Know 
On the planet Jupiter, a 300 hundred year-old hurricane is still going strong.  Meteorologists like to call it "Hurricane Enough Already."
Item 5: Dateline:  Honolulu, Hawaii 
Lawmakers convened an emergency session of the State House to discuss the fate of the Hawaiian Super Ferry.  I thought Don Ho would have been buried by now.
Item 6: Dateline: State College, Pennsylvania
Penn State University has reported a leak of radioactive water from their nuclear reactor.  According to a spokesperson who actually lived through Three Mile Island, "The leak poses no risk to the community, though I personally have experienced a rash on my third nipple and fourth testicle.
 
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A man buys a very expensive sheer negligee for his wife.  He was happy to spend the money, because he discovered that the sheerness increased with the price.  He takes the nightie home, gives it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him. Before she tries it on, she thinks to herself, "It's so sheer, I could just stand there naked and return it for the cash.  So, she appears at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.   The husband looks up at her and exclaims,  "Jeez, for the price you'd think they'd at least iron it."