January 15, 2008
First Up: Nicole Ritchie gave birth to a daughter.  The baby girl weighed in at six pounds, seven ounces, beating out her mom by four ounces.
Item 2:  Sadly, Dr. Phil's attempted intervention on behalf of Britney Spears was unsuccessful.  Britney didn't think that he was the right person to help her lose weight and grow her hair back.
Item 3:  Dateline-Michigan 
Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney promised voters that he will bring back lost jobs, while Senator John McCain declared, "Those jobs won't be coming back."  In a related story, the Blacksmith, Telegraph and Milkman Unions have all endorsed Mitt Romney.
Item 4:  Dateline-Nevada
Senator Hillary Clinton told supporters that, "No woman is illegal," In fact, when she catches Bill in bed with another woman, she refers to them as "Undocumented Whores."
Item 5: A Sad Note
The Eating Champion of The World,  Eddie "Bozo" Miller passed away at age 89.  Some of his records include eating 27 chickens, 324 ravioli and 30 pounds of meatloaf. Per his wishes, his remains will be buried in a to-go box, Bay-Bee!
Item 6: According to a new poll, 22 percent of Americans would like to sit next to Hillary Clinton on an airplane versus the 16 percent who wanted Rudy Giuliani as their seatmate.  A whopping 62 percent would rather sit next to a crying baby talking on a cell phone.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A man comes home after a night on the town.  He gets a couple of aspirin and goes upstairs to his sleeping wife.  He tries to open her mouth.  She wakes up suddenly and asks, "What are you doing?"  "I'm trying to give you this aspirin" he answers. "I don't have a headache," she says.  "That's all I needed to hear!"